Adoption of any kind is a huge lesson in learning to let go of what you cannot control and taking control of what you can. I am terrible at this. People tell me that I am a bit OCD and they are correct. Not in a crazy wash-my-hands-400-times-a-day kind of way… just that I like things to be orderly, clean and predictable. I get a physical reaction when my house is in disarray, I need to clean out my purse/closet/car or if there is anything on my to-do list that has been there for more than a couple of days. So, having no choice but to let go of every single thing having to do with the child I hope to bring into our family in June is hard. Excruciatingly hard. I am left with nothing but sitting an empty nursery and crying hopeful tears that it will soon be filled with the sounds of a growing baby boy. Although, I must admit it is now starting to collect diapers, clothes, toys, burp cloths and other baby necessities that must be in place before he comes home to us. Not so empty anymore I guess. It is starting to look like a baby belongs here! That is both wonderfully exciting and terrifying at the same time. All parents feel that way, I know. It is not exclusive to adoptive ones, but I think our fear and excitement is different in a lot of ways.
I have forced myself to focus on what I can control. Preparing for our vacation next week. Getting the nursery ready. Getting in some good one-on-one time with our daughter before she must share me with her baby brother. Cleaning out the storage unit and bringing home all the baby stuff that we need. Going through pictures and getting the photo books updated while I have the time/energy for it. Painting the patio furniture in preparation for spring. Making phone calls and setting appointments that will need to be done before there is a newborn in the house. That sort of thing. It is keeping me busy and it is working on the stress level a bit. I am also determined to relax in Mexico! Fruity cocktails and paperback novels here I come.
And now, for the good news…
I just got an invitation from birth mom to come to her other two children’s birthday party in May!! They are a year and a couple of days apart and they are celebrating together. I am thrilled beyond words to get this news. To me, it means that she might want to have more of a relationship with us than it first seemed. Very, very happy news for me!!! Going to go shop for gifts for them now, nothing extravagant but something they will enjoy. 🙂 🙂