So, I got the birth plan today. Birth Mom does not want us in the room with her at all for the birth. I am incredibly sad. We were so lucky to be able to be there to see our daughters grand entrance into the world and to witness her taking her very first breath. I was really hoping to have that experience again with our son.
Birth Mom is okay with us stopping by to say “hello” when she is in the early stages of labor. Then she wants only her Mom in the room. After he is born, she is going in for a second, planned surgery. The baby will be in the nursery during her surgery. She does not want us to see him at all until during this time. After she is out of recovery and ready she will have some time alone with him to say her goodbyes. It is very important to her that she is the one who physically hands him to us. I am sure that would feel very symbolic to her. Just the act of “giving” him to us, rather than feeling like we are “taking” him is probably a big piece in her grieving. She has said that if there is any overnight stay, she wants him to be with us in our room at the hospital, not with her. She also wants us to have some time all together before we leave the hospital, but just a short time… maybe half an hour or so.
I do completely understand all of these choices and, if I were in her shoes I would probably want the same things. I can imagine that she wants her voice to be the first one he hears speaking softly into his ear, telling him how special – how loved he is. She deserves that. I want her to have that. But, the selfish part of me wants the same thing. Even though I know that I am the one who will get to see the future “firsts” of his life (first teeth, first steps and first words), I would really have like to be there to see the very first moments of his precious little life too. Regardless, I fully support her decision and will honor her need for this time with him. She has earned it.