Well, it only took us 4 hours to make what is normally an hour drive up north this afternoon. It was awful. The highway was CLOSED for about an hour of that because of a multi-car crash. While sitting in that traffic, John broke the windshield wiper trying to get the ice off. I mean, he broke it. As in broken off completely. No drivers side wiper blade at all. In a snowstorm. Good times. Thank you to my sweet friend who lives nearby who came to the rescue with a complete set of new wiper blades delivered to the agency while we were meeting with birth Mom. What a day.
The meeting went… I don’t know how to say it went. They certainly weren’t kidding when they said she was detached. About 4 words were said about the baby at all. The walls this lady has up are impenetrable. It was a pretty awkward visit. All of you who know me well, know that I am very open and honest. I have trouble dealing with people who aren’t, it makes me very uncomfortable. I felt like I had to filter my own personality with her, which made me feel like I was not being open, which in turn made me feel like crap. Just to be clear, we still are moving forward with the process, our fears are not about her commitment to the adoption. Our fear is in the relationship between our part of this family and hers. I am terrified that she will be a very distant part of our lives after the baby is born. This outcome has always been my greatest fear.
In one of the 4 words she did say about the baby, she let the secret out about the sex. I really wanted to be surprised, but in her defense – that is a hard secret to keep. The baby is a boy. I have always wanted a son, and I am thrilled to hopefully bring one into our lives this summer. Ivy is excited to have a baby brother, and John is smiling from ear to ear too. The surprise would have been nice, but planning will be nice too. Also, we can give all of Ivys old clothes/toys to the birth mom, as she is raising a little girl who is younger than Ivy and could really use the hand-me-downs.
I am feeling very overwhelmed at the moment, so I will post more another day after I have had some time to think. Thank you all for the support and positive thoughts.