We finally got to meet with Birth Dad (BD) yesterday. The meeting went very well. He is an extremely nice guy and seems comfortable with his descision. His sister joined him for the meeting and she is clearly a big source of support in his life and, while she wishes she could be the one to adopt this child (she has other adopted children in her family already) she and her family are just not in the position to take on that responsibility at this point in their lives. BD and his sister have very strong family values and the open adoption seems to be just as important to them as it is to us. I think after the grieving period, BD and extended family will want to be as involved as possible with our family too. This is a huge deal to me, because my greatest fear in this second adoption is that the birthfamilies will just disappear out of our lives forever. We really want a true open adoption and believe “the more, the merrier” when it comes to family – even when we may not be related by DNA.
I am still very nervous about waiting another week to meet BM. I get the impression that she will be the most detached and that will be hard for me to deal with as, again, I really want to develop life-long relationships with both Birth parents. I also learned that she is parenting two other children, so this is her 4th pregnancy at the tender age of 25. Her life must be so stressful! I can understand her wanting to protect herself from what is a very difficult and painful experience, especially considering that she has relinquished a child before. She knows what it feels like and is preparing herself for that experience. After all, she has other children to think about just like I do, she will not have the luxury of breaking down in front of them either. I can understand her detachment. She must be incedibly strong. I am told that she has an open, good relationship with the other adoptive family,and they support her choice for this adoption. They are out of state, so I don’t know how much contact they have, but I know they have some. That is encouraging, so I will hold onto that hope that she will want to have continued contact with us as well. I hope that we can develop relationships with her other children (including the other adoptive family) as well. What a great experience for all the kids to have such large extended families! You can’t have too many people in your life who love you, right?
I am going to work hard not to let the stress get to me too much this week. I am going to try and focus on the positive meeting we had with BD and not get worked up over next Saturday’s meeting with BM. I plan on getting to the gym as much as possible and getting the stress out that way, rather than dwelling on all the what-ifs. Wish me luck!