Week Two…

So, it has been about a week since we got the call from the agency. I still feel really scared and even though we have been waiting for this for almost two years now… I almost afraid to be happy/excited about the prospect of adding another child to our family. I feel somewhat better than I did last week, probably because I got a bit of sleep finally! (Thank you, Valium…) But I am far from feeling really good about it. I know in my heart that I will get to a good place with this, just like I did when we went through it with our daughter the first time, but I’m not there yet. I am trying hard NOT to feel guilty about my lack of enthusiasm, but that is a work in progress as well. Wish me luck…

We have made arrangements to meet with the birth parents this Saturday at the agency. I. Am. Terrified. So many questions. All of them hard to ask and hard to answer. These are strangers that we are forced to be emotionally intimate with from the moment we meet. We have to be totally honest about everything, while still maintaining a level of distance and boundaries that will be comfortable for all involved. We have to do everything we can to protect our family, while still working to integrate these two new birthfamilies into it. All of us -my husband and I, as well as the birth Mom and birth Dad- have to be brave and strong enough to trust each other throughout this emotionally charged process and all the ups-and-down that come with it. We have to do all of this and more, the whole time knowing that everything about the outcome is completely out of our control as the hopeful adoptive family. We just have to be who we are and trust that it will all work out.

Oh yes, and we have to do all of this with our daughter along for the ride. She is a part of the process too, we have been as honest about it as we can without giving her too many grown-up ideas to deal with. She knows that we are hoping to adopt a sibling for her soon, and she has a four-year-olds understanding of the process. We have not told her that we have been chosen by a birthfamily yet, we plan to do that on Friday evening so that she can absorb it a bit and sleep on it. The agency is about an hour away and we will have time to talk more on the drive Saturday morning. She is well aware of her own adoption/birth story and I am sure she will relate her story to this new one as only a pre-schooler can. Probably with a few awkward statements along the way. She is a precocious little thing who is very articulate & smart and has no problem saying what is on her mind and in her heart. I can only hope that they will be understanding of her and willing to answer her questions as well.

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